She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
