I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
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I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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