Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
