God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I supernannyed him into submission
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
