Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
