hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Michael Bay diarrhea
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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