Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
