i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
