Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
