I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA