just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
