He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?