At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.