my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in