And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags