I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...