Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
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