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Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
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