Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I want her autograph on my taint
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
