Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize