Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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