No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
