We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
