last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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