Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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