I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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