i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
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I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
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They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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