He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
