it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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