Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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