Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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