I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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