I want to make a zoo with you.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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