Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
