Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
