anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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