You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
