So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
