dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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