it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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