I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
