is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
