____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
