so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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