Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
