I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
