We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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