you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
