if you like me you must not know who I am
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
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