Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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