I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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