You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
