Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
