Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
