My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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