i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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