Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
