By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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