Non-Jews are for practice
You smell like a Billy Joel song
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
