sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
