Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
