Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
