Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
