I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
