oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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