the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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