Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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