He is an equal opportunity slut.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
