Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
