i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
