Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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