She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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