He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
