On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she smelled like a LAN party
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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