Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
