she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
