it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
