why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
