Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
