I love black thongs
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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